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Your daughter is afraid to go downstairs in her pajamas because she feels like a balloon animal inside of them. (Do not take this as an excuse to go out and buy her new ones.) Your daughter would extremely enjoy the sight of two men kissing. (In fact, your daughter is somewhat of a homophiliac.) Your daughter has only seen porn twice, but she has read porn more times than one should count. (The second time was in the corner of the screen during American Psycho; the other, on a stumbled-onto-out-of-curiosity Web site.)

Your daughter is nervous about a lot of things. (Including, but not limited to: drugs, tornadoes, fire, insects, heights, pain, humiliation, strangers, large dogs, public speaking, real blood, childbirth, open wounds, flying, and people.) Your daughter is endlessly, inexorably, and inexplicably fascinated with both pedophilia and incest. (Don't give her that look.) Your daughter does not know why this is, but she blames The End of Alice, Lolita, the Internet, and your cousin. (You know, the sixteen-year-old.)

Your daughter wishes that you would stop calling yourself fat. (She has never seen you that way—honestly.) Your daughter will never, ever be prepared to talk about body image with you. (When you try to, she will puff her cheeks up with air and give you two-word answers.) Your daughter will also never, ever be good at visual art. (She is, however, sorry that she cried when you made her practice with your father.) Your daughter thinks that your mother is the best, most inspiring conversationalist she knows. (She wishes you would get over whatever history you two have.)

Your daughter is the combined bad side of you and your husband. (From you, she is passive-aggressive, lazy, rant-prone, controlling, depressive, grudge-holding, fatigued, self-conscious, and judgmental; from him, she is anxious, excuse-laden, impatient, money-tight, exaggerating, uncomfortably honest, naive, unnervingly awkward and irritable.) Your daughter is nothing more, and your daughter knows this. (She wishes you would accept it, too.)

Your daughter does not know what to do with compliments, but your daughter adores praise. (Even from her parents.) Your daughter still remembers the day you told her that her family is cursed with broad shoulders and woman-hips, but "blessed with big boobs and nice legs." (She has yet to believe that this supposed blessing is coming for her.) Your daughter will always hate the weather, and your daughter will always bear resentment towards the wind. (Do not try to talk her out of it.)

Your daughter will always love to have her water just a little too warm, and her temperature just a little too cool. (She will probably always sweat too easily, and her skin will always be unnaturally cold.) Your daughter wants to look like a short, petite fourteen-year-old girl for the first time in her life, like she is supposed to. (Do not try to convince her otherwise—she knows you'll try.)

Your daughter will never be okay with food. (She may always treat eating as an obligation rather than a need.) Your daughter will never know what to do with her hands. (Let her bite them.) Your daughter will never have clean wrists. (You will get used to the sight of the bruises, the grown-in hair, the faded marks; she has.) Your daughter will always shower twice a day. (She is glad water is cheap in South Carolina.)

Your daughter will always compulsively collect bits of string, ribbon, leaves, twigs, buttons and shopping lists, and your daughter will never know where to put them. (Do not complain about her messy desk.) Your daughter will never be interested in crafts like you want her to be. (She will go with you to your miniature conventions anyway.) Your daughter will always want to see her favorite movies in the theatres two or three times. (The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Sweeney Todd are just the beginning.)

Your daughter will never get quite enough sleep and your daughter will always be open to exploiting her grandparents. (She is amused when you tell her you find it disgusting.) Your daughter still has a too-high risk of becoming agoraphobic. (There is a reason she has not told you.) Your daughter can never thank you and your husband enough for staying together. (She does not know what a messy divorce could have done to her.)

Your daughter does not understand how she can be so terribly naive and so unwaveringly cynical simultaneously. (She blames both of you.) Your daughter does not always see the best in people but she believes that it is there. (She thinks that might be good enough.)

Your daughter will always say "goodbye" instead of "goodnight." (She never means it, though.) Your daughter hopes you will not cringe when she uses "fuck." (Don't.) Your daughter is still terrified that she secretly has a nasty bout of cancer and no one will tell her. (Promise her that if she did, you wouldn't hide it from her.)

Your daughter does not know how she will support herself when she moves out. (She's a little afraid.) Your daughter will still be secretly convinced that every man she meets is a serial killer and rapist. (Do not ask her about it.) Your daughter does love you. (Yes, even when she denies it, playfully.) Your daughter also does not know why she is so afraid to hug you. (Please do not take it personally.)

But mostly, your daughter wants you to know that absolutely none of this is your fault, no matter how you are convinced that you raised her to be a heathen, a bastard, a worry-wart and a little, tiny girl. (Well, maybe her mouth; you were the one to introduce her to South Park.)

Your daughter also forever has the image of Christian Bale's naked butt burned into her head, and she's sure you do, too. (You are her mother, after all.)

Love (and she means it),
Your Daughter
OH GOD IT'S ANOTHER GODDAMNED REPETITION PIECE

special edition: a list of (incredibly true) things i have not mustered the courage to tell my mother. dude, if i was to ever come with a manual, this is the closest thing to.. being one. yes.



hey guys

i think i may be getting off my hiatus soon

but right now south park is on, so um

checking my messages atm is out of the freaking question

also: mass effect is awesome

so is gay fic porn

and watching the birdcage with your parents

and penny arcade referencing rpgs i've played in jokes so i can laugh along and not feel like elitist shit

and writing pieces about necrophilia when you know nothing about dead bodies

and becoming obsessed with silent hill when you haven't even played any of the fucking games

and having a ridiculous amount of crap in common with your dental-hygienist assistant

and, um, rufus wainwright's rendition of hallelujah, which i totally pirated because no way in hell am i paying ten dollars for it on itunes

and demetri martin, because i'm convinced his mother conceived him with a piece of awesome (and some really-fucking-awesome sperm)

and when south park plays for an hour on comedy central instead of just a half hour

and winning =yourpleasantdarkness's contest

and linking to things because you are secretly trying to get everyone else into them

and my chuck norris tshirt.

(this last one is especially awesome. did you know that chuck norris does not leave messages, but warnings? and that chuck norris refers to himself in the fourth person? and that he can split the atom with his bare hands? true story.)

and that concludes the list of Things That Are Awesome.

(also, that was one of the Things That Warrant Capitalization.)

and i'm thinking that this is the new generation of repetition literature: REPETITIVE ARTIST'S COMMENTS.

come on, you're tempted.

word count: 989
listening to: we've got a big mess on our hands - the academy is
(c) LeeAnn - 2008
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcaptainisabella:
captainisabella Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013
I wish My sister could read this it might have save her life. Thank you for hope to other who cannot get there feeling out
Reply
:iconfreaky-foot:
Freaky-Foot Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2008
Mothers will be mothers, I suppose, even though sometimes I wish the wouldn't.

Oh, and all those things listed, yes, they are amazing. Demetri Martin is practically a god.
Reply
:iconhidden133:
hidden133 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2008
This is so beautifully written,
and I could relate to almost every line.
great job!
Reply
:iconkept-in-the-dark:
Kept-in-the-dark Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2008
weird yetv scary question; r u me? its just random u just seem the same :)
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008
=P i am about 80% sure that i am not you.
Reply
:iconkept-in-the-dark:
Kept-in-the-dark Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2008
XD stil u neva no on the net lol
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2008
this is TRUTH.
Reply
:iconkept-in-the-dark:
Kept-in-the-dark Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2008
:) XD ur writings great by the way it flows really well
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2008
hey thanks! :)
Reply
:iconkept-in-the-dark:
Kept-in-the-dark Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2008
dont mention it :)
Reply
:iconsutekikage:
SutekiKage Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008  Student Filmographer
I LOVE YOU!

But srsly, these are all so true and I can't believe how mothers can't seem to understand these things even though they used to be a daughter too...I wonder if we forget or something or we're blinded by something?

Btw...South Park is AWESOME! <3 Rofl, I'm currently watching the Imagineland trilogy where Kyle was ordered by the court to suck Cartman's balls xDDD

HILARIOUS XD
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
thank you so much :heart: it's so appreciated.

GOD I AM SO JEALOUS D: i was out of town the day comedy central showed the imaginationland trilogy. I WANT TO SEE IT SO BADLY. ..god, i bet i could find it on the internet somewhere.
Reply
:iconsutekikage:
SutekiKage Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008  Student Filmographer
You're welcome =D I sorta wanna show this to my mom actually, cause she's more like a friend to me then a mom ^^"

OH GOD, I thought they were gonna continue the trilogy the next day BUT THEY DIDN'T! D:""
Now I'm missing the next two episodes! GRAWR!

You happen to know which episode number they are? XD I have a few tv links around here...
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2008
uh, seven eleven, episodes 10, 11, and 12. D: i'm not sure what specific numbers, though.
Reply
:iconsutekikage:
SutekiKage Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2008  Student Filmographer
Any idea what season? =O

[link]
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2008
oh god i typed "seven eleven."

>>;

*season eleven.
Reply
:iconsutekikage:
SutekiKage Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2008  Student Filmographer
ROFL! YAY! <3 <3

Thanks =D
Reply
:iconpockyrock:
pockyrock Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
I WANT YOUR CHUCK SHIRT

... One day I'll be able to split an atom...

I WISH

I love this

Even if it is a repetition piece
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
my chuck shirt is the amazingness of amazing..ness.

thank you :heart: for giving love to another goddamn repetition piece.
Reply
:icongrandmotherbitchtits:
arrrgh, dude. Your writing is so much more interesting than the stuff I usually read : D


HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE THIS LEVEL OF AWESOMENESS? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2008
what do you usually read :0

I WILL SHARE A WISE TIP OF WISENESS WITH YOU TO HELP IN YOUR FUTURE WRITING ENDEAVORS:

1. write
2. drink mountain dew
3. write
4. write
5. write
6. drink mountain dew
7. write


YOU GET NO MORE.
Reply
:iconartisticmaster:
artisticmaster Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I am tempted by both the letter and the author's comments. :giggle:

Have you shown this to your mom?
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
i would go for it. it's really fun.

no, i haven't. i still haven't decided whether or not i will. maybe eventually.
Reply
:iconburningkake:
BurningKake Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2008
I am thirty two years old, and when I grow up....I wish I were as brave as you....
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
:blush: thank you so much. it really does mean a lot to me.
Reply
:iconkokutan-tenshi:
kokutan-tenshi Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2008  Student General Artist
I tried to write something like this to my mother once... It never did work out.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
no? why not? ever thought about taking it back up?
Reply
:iconkokutan-tenshi:
kokutan-tenshi Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2008  Student General Artist
Not really. I kept putting in too much sarcasm, or I'd write down things that she needed to know but didn't seem to fit where I wanted them to...
Reply
:iconpinkchicken:
Pinkchicken Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2008
I love your repetition pieces.
I cringed at the user comment though
uggh chuck norris; a very over used joke at my school.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
oh i love my chuck norris jokes. i do. there aren't enough of them here.
Reply
:iconpinkchicken:
Pinkchicken Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2008
Haha you would fit in well at my school XD.
Reply
:iconcynical-silhouette:
Cynical-Silhouette Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2008
I love your repitition pieces though ^_^, and this is no exception.

I agree, this could have been written to my mother, minus anything involving a father... I bite my hands :P
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
thank you so much! :) and i totally know what you mean. i bite my arms/hands as well. and nails.
Reply
:iconcynical-silhouette:
Cynical-Silhouette Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
I've always done it, and I used to bite my legs until I lost that childhood flexibility... I don't bite my nails but I clip them compulsively almost every day :)
Reply
:iconapinchofsalt:
aPinchofSalt Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
repetition is a good thing where this piece is concerned :D...you make me want to talk to my mom about all my secrets...but on the other hand..they're secrets for a reason!! :P
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
they wouldn't be secrets otherwise! ;) thank you.
Reply
:iconapinchofsalt:
aPinchofSalt Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconhalfmaskedmaiden:
HalfMaskedMaiden Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
i don't know how you do it just happy you do.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
:heart: thank you! :) i appreciate it.
Reply
:iconpardonm3:
pardonM3 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
:glomp:
Reply
:iconblue-strawberry:
blue-strawberry Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
it's so good to see you back :heart:
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
oh, but it was a lie! D: similar to the cake LOL YES I AM MAKING THAT JOKE

but now i am officially back. ;)
Reply
:iconblue-strawberry:
blue-strawberry Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2008
:lol:

I'm very glad to hear it. no more trickery please D:
Reply
:iconhaikit:
Haikit Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008
Awesome. <3333

[insert everyone else's comments here] xD
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
/inserted

thank you x million :heart:
Reply
:iconrchelsea2005:
rchelsea2005 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
*HUGSSES* ILY and your honesty. Really, truly.

And who would want to forget about Christian Bale's naked butt? HAHAHA.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
ilu2more.
Reply
:iconrchelsea2005:
rchelsea2005 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
GARGLEFARGLE. There's a suprise waiting for you over at my journal. First deviation in the list...most recent.

ps. I just woke up from my first day/night off at college! Scary scary!

American Psycho? YYEESSS. I love that film.
AND PENNY ARCADE! AND RUFUS WAINWRIGHT! (SPECIFICALLY HIS RENDITION OF COHEN GREATS LIKE "HALLELUJAH" AND "CHELSEA HOTEL NO.2") His version of Hallelujah is my favorite, by far. Forget Jeff Buckley. AND AMERICAN PSYCHO! CHRISTIAN BALE! AND OMG DEMETRI MARTIN! ILY!!!

I love your list of fears XD it reads much like my own. You and your incest ;p

AND BITE YOUR TONGUE! I don't think you are any of those things, missy! But I'm not suprised that you tried to pass that steaming load of horsecrap off as truth :) Hahaha, the "big boobs and nice legs" comment made me laugh. As did your statement following that. I was cursed with child-bearing hips, but a small chest and short legs. I'm kind of...screwed.

Your daughter will always compulsively collect bits of string, ribbon, leaves, twigs, buttons and shopping lists, and your daughter will never know where to put them.

Sounds like you're making a nest.

DARK KNIGHT!! SWEENEY TODD!!!!

Your daughter does not always see the best in people but she believes that it is there. (She thinks that might be good enough.) That is exactly what I believe.
Reply
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
livingcomforteagle Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
LOL GARGLEFARGLE.

that was all you needed to say to make me lol. seriously. out loud and everything.

hey by the way how is college going for you?

aww but i did like jeff buckley's version. just not nearly as much. rufus wrainwright's is so gorgeously fantastically beautiful.

lmaolmao. I AM SO NESTING FOR MY UNBORN AND UNCONCEIVED CHILD. it's happening. oh yes.
Reply
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